Little of this Goes a Long Way

Just a tip for guys out there who might underestimate the importance of a simple phone call. Many times a guy begins or plans on going out with a girl just days before shabbis. For some, the question of calling her before shabbis begins can be one that takes some serious thought.

Just something to help the decision process: A simple phone call of "just wishing you a good shabbis" is one that takes no effort and yet can have long term positive effects. It lets the girl know you are thinking about her, and that you care enough to wish her well. There seems to be no down side to this gesture, unless there is something I am really not seeing here. No one will look back and say "I can't believe he called me."

So fellas, pick up the phone and make the two minute phone call that demonstrates you're thinking about her and that she is important to you. It's the very least one can do.

Oh, and a text message doesn't count for as much, but you know that...

Chauffeur Please?

If you want a date story, I've had some dates with men without cars. One arrived via subway to my home, and then I drove. At the time, I had very little experience driving, so he got more than he bargained for as I unintentionally ran a red light or two. Happily, there were no fatailities or even tickets to report. But it was a one-timemeeting, not on the basis of driving alone, I'm sure.

Excuses Excuses

It's still a jungle out there, I see. My first date ever in 1988, the guy actually forgot to come and pick me up. He overslept--in the evening-- in his dorm room in Lakewood. Fast forward to the next Sunday when he came, but realized at the tollbooth that he forgot his wallet. Yes, I paid. No, we did not go out again. He was actually a nice guy, though.

--Does the wallet story ("its in my other pants") ever work?? tsk tsk

As a skunk...

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Welcome":

Here's one for you. A guy came into town to go out with me (we had gone out a couple times before and had a good time) and told me he put me on his rental insurance in case I needed to drive. A little odd but ok. On our first date we went to a hotel lobby. He asked if I minded if he had a beer, I said sure - why not. He went to the bar and took forever bringing our drinks, I assumed there was a line up. We talked for a while, him downing the beer and me working on my sprite. He went back to get us re-fills and took forever agian. abt 20 min later he went to the bathroom, for about 10 minutes. He came back and as we talked he seemed more and more relaxed and a little drunk. On two beers I was kind of wondering what his tolerance was. He went for a third beer, amazingly, and of course came back 10 minutes later again.

We went for a walk around the hotel gardens and he got all mushy and weird, we just werent there yet! I asked if he was drunk, he said maybe a little and laughed, then gave me the car keys. He said he figured he would drink while he was visiting and put me on the insurance for that reason. I drove home all annoyed at him and had to walk him to the door. Try walking a drunk guy to the house without touching him, I dare you. I didnt touch him b/c I was so annoyed (and Shomer)!

The next day he tells me that every time he left to get a drink or go to the bathroom he had whiskey or a shot of something else. The next night he got so drunk at my Rav's house over dinner he scared the kids. Amazing that we ended things after that trip, more amazing that he was surprised and didnt get it!

Subway Tips

For those who find the subway a more conveniant method of transportation than worrying about quorters for parking or parking itself, here are some dating tips.

Annonymous said: Advice for ladies going on a date via subway

1. Don't wear a flowy skirt
2. When he goes to pay at the turstile make sure you hear the litltle click before you walk because its awfully embarassing when you walk into the metal bars...and it hurts
3. If you are wearing heals: don't walk on the subway grates because your shoes will get stuck and fall through or worse get caught and you fall on your face
4. Lastly, if your'e going to stand up make sure you have a good grip on the pole because when it breaks- he isn't going to catch you!

Hopefully this bit of advice will help avoid that needless rush of blood to one's cheek...

Lead me on...

Some of my friends were unfortunately presented with the following situation:

After a few months of dating the same girl, after she thanked him time and again for wonderful dates, she "suddenly" (not to her...) told him it was not going to work out. Needless to say that while he sense things were going slowly, he did not see this coming.

Questions:

1. Even if the girl felt she was leaving him all kinds of clues as to her intentions, obviously there was a miscommunication. Why not be straight and open? Isn't that how relationships are built? Yes, it is hard. We can all appreciate that. But no one says this is easy and yet it is absolutely necessary. Since when was heart breaking on any level an acceptable price to pay.


2. On the other hand, what has been more common is the issue that people feel pressure to date yet still are not personally ready. They might try to convince themselves they are, and they rightfully want to be, but maturity and development comes with time. No one is judging the people who date just to date, or those who date solely to get married. The only requirement is that it be made clear from the get-go. It's only fair- to both people. There's nothing wrong with taking one's time while dating, but the goals must be stated.

I think that people (and yes, I have done this myself) have misplaced their good intentions and instead brought sorrow. There's no excuse. People have to realize that this is life, and sometimes the best answer is the hardest one.

Guys 101

i think someone should make a blog to teach guys how to act on dates. 2 of my friends went out last night and both had disaster dates bc the guys were horrible daters. some things you would think are obvious but i guess theyre not-

1. if its raining, get a cab. this should be obvious.

2. if youre going someplace far, offer to take a cab. if u ask "do you mind walking" the girl will lie and say no of course not. but if you first ask "do you want to take a cab" then she will feel more comfortable saying yes please. this is especially improtant when shes wearing high heels or not so comfy shoes to look good!

3. find out what she thinks is fun- dont just go places that you like

4. try to pick up on vibes- dont drop the shadchan awkwardly at the last 5 seconds of the date unless ur sure that she would want that. alot of times guys do this and the girl says fine even though she doesnt want to go out on another date bc you catch her by surprise or she doesnt want to insult the guy...

5. im not saying you need to throw your money out the door, but by the third date, you can spend a little more on her than $1.50 for a soda. you gotta show her youre not a cheapskate and you can spend a bit.

6.show your middos. if you dont have any good ones, then please get!!! this is huuugely important. be polite, be nice to other people you encounter (waiters, janitors, etc) this will score you extra points.

7. show that you care and are interested in her- please dont do all the talking. ask her questions and if you dont, atleast PRETEND that you want to learn more about her.

8. dont do the same thing (ie walk arund the city) for 3 dates in a row. that is a big sign of boooringness... and lack of creativity and cheapness.

9. be thoughtful- if its not nice outside, dont take a long walk or do an outdoor activity. this is especially pertinent if its bad hair weather bc shes gonna feel ugly if her hair gets messed up by being outside and thats not cool.

10. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT- a first date, in my opinion, should never be more than 3 hours. youre meeting the girl for the first time- most people arent lucky enough to have enough to talk about for 10 hours straight on the first date. a short first date is perfect and u wini either way:a. if its bad on any part, its over quick.b. if its good, you end it when its good, leaving the other one wanting to spend more time with you, and you leave it good before it sours and gets awkward adn you run out of things to say. i think this should be standard practice and done by all.

11. dont blow your nose in front of her, especially on the first few dates. its gross and disgusting.(all of this is based on past experiences. guys- you need to learn how to be good daters before you take a girl out on your first shidduch date!! and a bunch of you have been dating for a while now and still have noi clue waht youre doing. PLEASE LEARN QUICKLY!!!! FOR YOUR OWN SAKES!) --Posted by Anonymous to My Date Was Crazy at 12/01/2006